low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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