AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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