My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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