i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Houston, we have a blender
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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