I forgot how hot balto sounded
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
