3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
