btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
