He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ttyl tear gas
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
