life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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