TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize