Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
