I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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