Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
