If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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