She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
