Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize