he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize