Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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