I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
