you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
