Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
