don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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