You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
