Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
