I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
