You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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