You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
