Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
