I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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