hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
