literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
