Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize