The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
