I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
