I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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