OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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