And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
