what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
