I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
