I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
