I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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