I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
