Midget sex pt 2 tonight
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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