season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think people are normalizing furries
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