im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ugly people sure do ruin things
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize