we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
