Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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