I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
