i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
