Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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