How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
