i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
