The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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