Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
