The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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