I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
