it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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