they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
