Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
