Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize