My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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