my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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