He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
