I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
