i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
