I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
