I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
