the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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