I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
