At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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