okay pat passed out under dana's car
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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