And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
