It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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