Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
